Revenge of the Food? Not So Likely
by Guilty Ignition
Summary: Like any other humans, the Varia celebrates Christmas as well. Only that you didn't know how. Being the Varia's one and only cook, you tried your best to satisfy their exquisite taste buds, only to lead to undesirable consequences...?


**Title:** Revenge of the Food? Not So Likely.

**Genre:** Humor _[Veerrryyy minimal]_, Romance, Fluff _[?]_

**Characters:** Belphegor, Mammon/Viper, Xanxus, Lussuria, Fran, mentions of Levi, Random shoppers in shopping malls, _AND OF COURSE_, you

**Anime:** Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

**Pairing(s):** Adult!Mammon x Reader x TYL!Bel

**Warnings:** Coarse language; by _you_. Yes. And it **may** contain sexual references, etcetera. You get my point. Also, blaspheming is a biiiiggg theme in this. :D

**Inspirational Source:** Thanks to KizunaCho~ Some ideas were generated to her while talking on MSN... and I clicked. xD

**Dedicated To:** Yuna & Kootoni-sama~ Because they own. :D

**Author's Notes:** Character-live situations once again. The great Eden-sama revived Mammon because of his very love for money. xD Also... don't ask why I wrote reader-insert types... I've always hated writing them and... It was a sudden temptation...

**Disclaimer:** I don't own KHR, sadly. If I did, I'd rule the world for sure. : However, I do own your unfortunate soul that passed by and read this. 8D

**Beta-Read By:** Yours truly~ And Seki. xD

**P.S.** This is a be-lated Christmas fic. I know it's New Year, but who cares? Also published on Luna under the same penname.

--

Xanxus was seated comfortably in his oversized, Victorian-styled leather chair; his hand clasping a glass of Bloody Mary that was filled to the rim, taking an occasional sip while listening to what you had to offer. Christmas was coming; and as much as he hates it, Lussuria had been bugging him to celebrate it for just this year. Decorations were neatly put up by the said flamboyant male; and the big, colorful, ornament-filled tree was placed just beside the fireplace.

You unrolled the long, sacred list of ingredients to get for their Christmas dinner, checking each one off with Xanxus's approval.

"Um... the ketchup," you murmured, staring at the list with a stupefied expression.

Who ever knew the Varia was so food-deprived?

Xanxus twitched a little, his face showing obvious displeasure at the 'ingredients' Lussuria and the others requested. "First it was the salt, then sugar, _then_ butter, chili sauce, soy sauce, and **NOW** ketchup. I want something more practical..."

He paused for a moment, "... is my sirloin steak there?"

Scratching the side of your face with the back of the pencil, you checked the box for 'sirloin steak' in the "_Xanxus Approved_" section before scouting for the next most 'rational' ingredient on the list.

"Hmm..." You pondered, scrolling down the list with the pencil before stopping at the 'Dishes' section.

"It seems that Lussuria and the others want to do mocha-pounding...—what...?" _**[1]**_

Xanxus choked on his wine, coughing a few times before regaining his composure. "I'm pretty sure those idiots meant mochi..."

Happily, you drew a big 'X' over the mocha, replacing it with mochi. Satisfied, you grinned at the said head of the Varia. "Whatever you say, Xanxus~"

He merely rolled his eyes, pouring himself another cup of red substance that was enough to keep him going for the whole day.

"Next is the... Sea slugs _**[2]**_ from Korea..." You mentally gulped when Xanxus nodded. He even smirked at the uniqueness of that accursed dish.

Sighing knowingly, you checked that too. "Shiokara, Fugu, fish heads?" _**[3]**_

Xanxus frowned menacingly. "Why are they all fishes?"

You simply shrugged, taking his question as an agreement to it.

_Check._

"Chicken pie, salamanders, turtle eggs, campfire snake, snake blood?"

"Just tick them all."

**Cheeccckkkkkkk.**

You folded the absurdly lengthy list before stuffing it into your front pocket, slotting the pencil right in; resting your arm on your hip, you reached out the free hand, making a swiveling motion with your fingers, which only earned a deadpan expression from Xanxus.

"What else do you want, **Y/N**...?"

"Money."

His expression didn't change.

_Twitch_.

"MO-NEY. **M**. **O**. **N.** **E**. **Y**. _MONEEEEYYYY_," you mouth, even spelling it out and making exaggerated pronunciation to make sure he understood your request. He scowled softly before throwing a coin pouch straight at your face, inside containing limitless amounts of coins. _**[4]**_

Grinning, you posed your hands victoriously, showing a peace sign before strolling off to start on your shopping list; of course, you hadn't intended to do it on your own.

"Fran~" Singing out his name happily, you jumped into the room, posing nicely at the doorway. The said adolescent tilted his head up, glancing at you momentarily with his usual blank expression before turning back to the colorful tree that was situated right in the center of the room.

"... HEY! HOW **DARE** YOU IGNORE ME!"

"Quiet, crazy woman; I'm trying to concentrate," he simply replied, tugging at a branch of the festive tree.

Mentally, you grimaced. He just wasn't the type to go ingredient shopping with. Half of the time, he'd just call you a 'crazy woman', much like the previous week, where you dragged him out to get a '_certain someone's_' favorite wine.

"Fran, help me take the bottle of wine," you mumbled, tip-toeing badly in an attempt to get the final bottle of Bloody Mary that stood high upon the shelf.

It just **had** to be an inch taller than you.

... Or your hand.

"Fran... I said to help me get that...!" Panting, you rested your hands against your thighs, trying to catch your breath before getting into hopeless attempts of standing at the edge of your feet just to get a simple bottle that was the source of all your daily weekly troubles.

Groaning, you decided to climb up the mantelpiece, putting your terrible rock-climbing skills into use. Cheering mentally, you were just a centimeter away from the wine where your leg slipped, and the shelf was starting to lean _sideways_...

"FRAAAANNNIIIEEEE! **HEEELPPPP**!!!"

Thankfully, he was close enough to hear you; but being the sarcastic person he is, he's always full of activities one way or another.

"I'm busy here, crazy woman."

Twitching once more, you erupted.

_Click._

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

_**CRASSSSSHHHHHH!!!**_

Fran didn't seemed amused to be on the other side of the shelf. You watched as the colorful substance pooled around you _**[5]**_; but as the guards rushed by to see what the big commotion was, you dashed out with the turquoise-haired teen almost immediately.

Scratching the side of your cheek, you decided against inviting Fran, moving along to the next room to seek for the next potential victim.

"**VOOOIIIIII**! WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE?!" Twitching, you froze as you turned your head slowly. You smiled awkwardly; even without seeing who it was, that horrendously loud voice could only belong to Squalo. Not knowing your mouth was hanging open, you stared at him stupidly, pondering for a moment.

Your mouth twisted whilst you were deep in thought, your finger resting just below your chin. "Hmm," you murmured, twirling around him. "... Would you like to have the honor of shopping with me?"

Squalo, being Squalo, screamed straight in your face before drawing his sword. Obviously he doesn't like the idea of going shopping.

_Probably it makes him look gay or something..._ You thought mentally, darting out of the _sacredly_ dangerous hallway and into the next nearest room.

For once, the room was neatly furnished. No flaws, no exceptionally exaggerated ribbons hanging around the ceiling. And all looked nice... except for the person who was lying in the center of the room – our dear Prince-y Varia, Bel. Creeping around the room, you threw a bunch of his so called '_prince-y undergarments_' at him to check whether he was awake. _**[6]**_ You even decided to ignore the fact that he kept corsets in his room; maybe for questionable purposes.

No respond whatsoever.

Giving your best impersonation of Bel's '_ebil_' grin _**[7]**_, you snuck closer to him in an attempt to glomp him. You were definitely proud of your ingenious idea.

Unknown to you, "the Prince" definitely won't leave his room unattended; or at least, unprotected.

_Glint._

_Trip._

_Crash._

**Boom**.

... _**!!!**_

"BEEELLLLL!!! !!! I'M GETTING ATTACKED BY FREAKY FLYING KNIVES!!!"

Yelling desperately for help, you struggled around frenziedly, trying to dodge the knives that flew persistently at your direction.

Maybe you should've done some reconnaissance about the traps that lay around in his room.

Giving his trademark laugh, the prince stood up, watching you spin about the room until the amusement in him ebbed away. He kneeled down, untangling you from that dreaded wire mess; of course, this wasn't unaccompanied by your incessant droning, complaining about the pain that was caused by the support.

Rubbing the scars left by the wires, you murmured curses beneath your breath. Maybe it was a bad idea asking Bel as well. The last time _that_ happened...

_**Beep, beep, beeppppppp**_!

"_Sorry, the number you have dialed is not in use. Apparently, the other party must've hated your guts so much to make sure you couldn't reach this line. I am not kidding. You_—"

"FUCK YOU, BEL!" You hollered, stomping on your phone, earning a lot of stares and inappropriate looks from the crowd around and beside you. Smiling awkwardly, you rushed by the cashier, not even paying for the groceries you picked out. Our dear Bel had deceptively left you behind, splurging with the money you've carelessly left with him; instead of bringing back apposite food, the items that filled the Varia's fridge was various sweets and desserts ranging from ice-cream to pudding to crepes.

And in that very day, you swore to yourself that shopping with Bel could only be described with one two words.

Lethal.

And stupid.

... Okay, maybe that was three words, but screw that...

Falling onto the couch, your hair was strewn all over the settee; Xanxus's reaction wasn't exactly too delightful. "**Y/N**, if you don't get out to buy the groceries soon, I'd revoke your authority of being in the kitchen."

That caused you to stop in mid-sentence, then finally clamping your mouth in utter shock. _**[8]**_ How could he do this?! You were the only person suitable for this job! This was preposterous! You were the only great cook! How **dare** he—

"But, seeing that you're the only person who can cook... I have no choice but to let you stay," he sighed. Pausing for a moment, he raised his finger at the door. "Out. NOW."

"Did you get any help for me?" You simply asked with a deadpan expression. With a nod, he motioned Mammon to come in.

... He had **GOT** to be kidding.

Mammon? The same money-faced, cash loving illusionist? The same man who had an affinity for making your life miserably poor every chance he got? If it weren't for the fact you were still livid about the previously forced job, you would've burst out laughing right about now. But again, now was not the time.

With a long, unhurried intake of breathe, you closed your eyes, trying to woe away the oncoming migraine. Slowly, you responded.

"Aside from Mammon, I'd like to ask..." You paused, leaving a heavy air between the both of you before you opened your eyes and gave Xanxus a serious look, "who else is there that requested shopping?"

Being unlike himself, Xanxus took a sharp inhale of air; he wasn't afraid of you, not at all. But you really had a temper sometimes.

"... Levi."

And in that instant, all Hell broke loose.

"WHAT?! LEVI?! C'MON, XANXUS! HE IS—" But alas, you were cut off by the dear head of Varia.

"—_Your_ shopping partner. It's not official, but he agreed."

With that, you immediately left with Lussuria, whom happened to be passing by the room with a frilly apron; he was still in the midst of doing his daily cucumber facial, but available nonetheless.

After all, anything beats having the perverted old thunder man _**[9]**_ as your shopping partner.

--

You snuggled into your warm scarf, breathing out hot air and rubbing your palms together for the heat; it was snowing, and the temperature didn't helped at all. After all, all hyper-marts were well air-conditioned. Pushing the trolley around, you checked off the ingredients that were currently placed inside, expertly picking out the items from the shelf.

You've been here billions of times; the shop layout was simply _too _easy.

"Salamander meat... One kilogram... Check."

Browsing through the array of food, you took a large amount of cod fish, turkey, chicken [_even though __**you**__ couldn't tell the difference]_, Ben & Jerry's ice-cream, and pancakes. _Those stuff could do those Varia good_, you thought. Having the Varia members in sugar-high mode does you well, especially when they're sent on exhausting missions with you.

But having Xanxus high is a different story.

He savored the final piece of the pancake, reveling in the sweet mixture of butter and sugar. For once, Xanxus licked his lips in anticipation for the next plate you were serving him. He went on, and on, and on, and on, and on; until the plates stacked as high as Lussuria's pile of beauty products he kept hidden from the eyes of the Varia.

"**Y/N**?"

"What?" You answered, displeased at the thought that you had to wash 125 plates.

He cackled evilly, rubbing his hands together in the most enigmatic matter you can ever think of. "I HAVE THE PLAN FOR THE PERFECT AND PRISTINE UTOPIA!"

Your expression slowly turned from exasperation to a bamboozled one.

"X-Xanxus..." You murmured, face falling. You were backing away from him as careful as possible, taking note of his very hand action in case he reached for his gun.

Never did you once saw him that high before.

"WHAT?!" He yelled, holding the final plate of pancake against his chest protectively. "This cake... IT'LL PROTECT ME FROM ALL DANGERS! AND IT WILL BRING ME TO GREAT HEIGHTS!" _**[10]**_

He paused for a dramatic effect, only to see you stare at him in awe of stupidity. Coughing, he continued, "... YOU SURBODINATES ARE ALL LIES! SLEIGHS OF LIES, I TELL YOU!"

He flailed his arms around, and the pancake never moved a centimeter, much to your surprise. "YOU ALL... NEVER INTENDED TO HELP ME! WHAT KIND OF SURBODINATE ARE YOU, ANYWAY?!"

You slammed an indignant hand in front of him on the table. "HEY, I AM A GOOD SURBODINATE!"

"And what good did you ever do?"

"I cook."

"... Cook?"

"Yes. I cooked that plate of holiness you're holding now."

Ever since that very moment, Xanxus treasured you a lot.

As his cook of godliness, saintliness, piousness, whatever.

You glanced over at the various sections of the hyper-mart, and a poster immediately caught your attention; immediately, a smirk crept across your lips.

"Hey, Lussuria. LOOK THERE," you pointed dramatically towards a miniscule piece of paper that said "**MEGA CLEARANCE SALE!!! APPARELS GOING AT INCREDIBLY LOW PRICES!!!**" _**[11]**_

Lussuria, being Lussuria, clasped his hands to his cheeks before gasping in happiness and rushing there.

"Finally... Some peace..." Stretching, you wheeled the trolley down to the aisle where the counter was, checking your nails and whistling while the cashier scanned the goods.

"That'd be 7, 812 yen, please." Readily, you paid for the said amount, hoisting the carriers back to the headquarters to prepare for the deadly war feast that stood before you.

--

You specially visited Korea last week just to savor the food and delicacies there, but you never expected to really try the sea slugs itself. Kimchi was your favourite, and you'd do _anything_ to eat them again. But in the current dilemma you're in, that'd be more than likely, impossible.

Sniffing in absolutely agony, you sauntered towards the dilapidated store with an empty stomach; it was near midnight, and knowing how far you are in some insolated spot, food was never a commodity in rural areas.

"Anyone in...?" You peeked in slowly by the creaking door, stepping in the rotten floorboards that covered the walkway. For once you were thankful shoes were allowed indoors. You never prayed so hard in your life; footsteps echoed, and you were mumbling silent prayers hoping it isn't some apparition that guarded this house from trespassers.

"Are you lost?" Your eyes slowly peeled open.

A full-fledged human; old lady, at that.

Nodding instantly, a small blush stained your cheeks as you requested for food and explained your situation. You should've known not to let your excitement get over your head and ran to every single available spot to check for exquisite items that piqued your interest, leaving Mammon, your 'shopping partner'.

But that was exactly what happened.

Smiling, the woman ushered you into the kitchen, turning on the lights before pulling out a porcelain bowl that was covered with a white, shiny plate. Being the curious person you are, you peeked over her shoulders, only to gasp in horror that it was a bunch of slimy sea slugs.

They looked as if they were making faces at you.

Covering your mouth just in case you let out all of the three-quarter digested food from yesterday, you stepped back, gasping for air. The shine from the knife caught your attention and you shrieked as the woman chopped the slug into pieces, throwing their internals at random direction before dipping them in yellow sauce and making her way towards you.

You instantly fainted at that sight.

Clasping your hands together in mock prayer, you bowed to the sea slugs that were squirming about at the chopping board. "I'm sorry...! FORGIVE ME!"

In that very moment when you said that, you slammed the knife down in quick succession, slicing it into millions of pieces. Squinting at the sight, you wrinkled your nose and tugged on a glove, pinching your nose before removing it's internals in the most grotesque manner you can ever think of.

For once, you were thankful to Mammon as he saved you from that terrible onslaught, because you hadn't intended to eat those slimy gastropods; the other thing you were cautious about was the old lady's occupation. She might've been a serial killer seeing how skilled she was with the knife... But we'll leave that for another story, won't we? Proceeding on...

You apparently prayed to every sea slugs before slaughtering them in the same fashion; and that went on for some time before you moved on to cooking the Fugu fish. Turning the board around a few times, you examined the organism _quite_ intently, swinging your stiletto in the process.

"Hmmm... From what the lady told me..." You muttered to yourself, making a "#" sign across the body as you would to an unfortunate Saba fish that got into your hands, "only licensed chefs can prepare this..."

You placed your finger below your chin thoughtfully; you had never attempted cooking Fugu before, but it was worth a try. Besides, you won't be the one eating...

After an hour of pondering, you decided to just fry the whole fish without removing the poisonous parts_. I'd just stay away from this dish later_, you agreed.

"I have to say," grinning, you held the plate up as high as you can. "It looks and smells delicious!" Taking another whiff of the scent, you nearly swooned over it.

Of course, tasting it would be another thing.

Then, you went on to the salamander meat. Xanxus never really requested to prepare it in a certain manner, so you figured doing it sashimi style would bring them bad good memories from Japan. Much to your surprise, a 1.15 meter salamander only weighed 28 kilogram _**[12]**_; but that didn't mean slicing it up was easy. A long lizard like that contained **a lot** of meat.

And I really mean _a lot_.

By the time you were done with cutting the meat, you had filled 38 bowls of Salamander-don. _**[13]**_ Then again, the Varias had reeeaaallly big appetites, so clearing those excessive foods ain't a big problem.

Moving on now.

Pulling out the fresh Shiokara and squid from the freezer, you gazed at them before laying them down side by side; this wasn't the first time you have to touch raw seafood that'd stain your hands with its awful stench, but you had to do it nevertheless.

Squirming, you cringed when you saw the revoltingly black guts you had to remove, as well as the soft bone that looked nothing more than some long plastic to you. You were on the brink of nausea, yes, but the worse wasn't over. After separating the ear from the body, you had to peel the skin, chop it into pieces before placing the squid meat beside the Fugu fish for decorative purposes.

The fish proved to be a big relief, seeing that its guts isn't of any weird shade of color; skillfully, you divided the Shiokara in equally 5 plates, sprinkling them with a minute amount of squid guts _[you couldn't bear to remove any more of that revolting thing]_.

You set those dishes onto the 'to-be-served' table, uncoiling the snake that you rolled around the kitchen chair; this deprived soul was next. Ignoring all the uneasy feeling brewing in your stomach, you squeezed your eyes shut, slamming the chopper straight down at the reptile's head, not even caring where the decapitated appendage flew to. Breaking out in cold sweat, you calmed yourself down before skinning the poor creature.

Sometimes you wondered why all the food you prepared either: one, involves paring, or two, involves removing internals, or three, involves the previous two plus other grotesque actions.

_What to do..._ You mentally grimaced; this was your job, anyway.

Cutting them into small serving size filets was the subsequent step. You waltz around the room, grabbing the vegetable oil, skillet, salt & pepper, buttermilk, and flour. You drenched the frying pan with vegetable oil, sprinkling garnishes generously on the fillet before dipping them in the latter ingredient and fermented milk. Happily, you threw them straight into the pan, adding alcohol in as well. You stared at the stunning presentation, turning to your emergency recipe book.

"... Holy shit; I'm not supposed to include flambé! _**[14] **_... Oh well, I'll just tell Xanxus the campfire snake was literally on fire."

Quickly rolling to the nearest counter to take refuge, you peeked from the edge, only coming out when the flames died. Poking at the burnt food warily, the skin showed cracks that could practically cause amounts of noise when being eaten at night. The covering was supposed to be golden-brown, but the closest color _you_ could describe it would be brownish-black.

You whistled innocently, hoping no one saw that '_obscene_' act you committed; doing some quick ad-libbing, you immediately shouted, "OH WAIT! I **WAS **SUPPOSED TO DO FLAMBÉ!"

After a great deal of cooking, you wrapped up the final dish and made a silent prayer to whomever that was eating the Fugu fish and other excessively burnt items.

Dying by cancer or being paralyzed in full consciousness didn't seem too enticing. Especially during Christmas.

Then again, someone told you that those who died during Christmas or Christmas Eve got the VIP ticket to heaven straightway.

That was one of the biggest advantages; especially when Xanxus decides to kill you off for dangerously cooked food, you could eat the fish and get to heaven straight.

Hell didn't seem nice. Either.

Death wasn't tempting, too.

--

"Serve's up!" You cheered, placing epic amounts of salamander-don in the center to let the Varias eat to their heart's content; you had to make it worthwhile. After all, you put it _too much_ efforts into persuading them to come.

Xanxus, being his typical self, rewarded himself with some elderberry wine; Squalo immediately tucked in on the notorious Fugu fish which earned a wince from you, cold sweat breaking out again.

_Slice_.

_**Munch**_.

_Slice_.

_**Munch**_.

Your pressed your palms together under the table, hoping he will, by some chance, avoid the poisonous part which you failed to remove due to laziness being unlicensed. But, with a small amount of luck, he might just survive...

"VOOOOOOOIIIIIIIII!!! WHERE'S MY SHARK FIN SOUP?!"

You grimaced mentally, sprinkling the final touch of leek on it. The soup you prepared had this sticky feel to it...

_Maybe using that toaster oven to melt the shark meat wasn't such a good idea—_

Too late.

Squalo had snatched the bowl already, taking a big mouthful of a dish that you weren't even half sure it was edible in the first place. He didn't even notice the soup had the unusually gluey feel to it. And as he relished the taste, he nodded in agreement for the equality of salt and other ingredients, but as he swallowed, his face literally turned blue.

He fell onto the ground, rolling about while grabbing his throat in the most inimitable manner; his speech coming out irregularly and pointed to his own neck in desperation.

Quickly, you forced some vegetable with vinegar down his mouth, which immediately cured his unease. Up till today, Squalo never risked an additional chance of getting you to make another bowl of that unholy soup.

He didn't want to die by choking on fish bone. It was too unfashionable.

"Lady luck... Please be on his side together..."

"VOOOOIIIIII!!! THIS IS TASTY! WHERE DID YOU—"

_**BAM**_.

You slowly opened your eyes, watching the whole scene unfold before your eyes; Xanxus took the other half of the fish _[which he thought was a chandelier]_, which was more poisoned that the side Squalo feasted on, to throw at him. Sadly, the wasted food landed straight in his opened mouth, ensuing in a whole lot of coughing fits that didn't stop until he finally collapsed.

Of course, collapsing _**after **_he threw the big fish bone at a random direction, successfully cutting Bel's cheeks. And a simple cut like that made the Prince grin, and sparked off a series of food fight.

A lethal one at that.

Bel raised his hand; knives flew here and there while riding on the wires, which one sadly crashed into Xanxus's only bottle of _Château Ducru-Beaucaillou_, _1996_ wine. _**[15]**_ Watching the precious wine bottle shatter into pieces, Xanxus flipped his exquisite Victorian chair onto the center of the table, thrashing the dishes in the process.

Lussuria let out a shriek before taking cover in his own room; Levi opening one of his "umbrellas" to dodge to flying food. You simply did a quick dash out of the dining room with Mammon, unknowingly dragging Bel along.

The consternation didn't stop; and it went on for about an hour or so, leaving you stuck with these two Varia members. They weren't the _least_ interesting to you. Your typical thought of them would be: Bel, knife throwing plus sadistic freak of nature; Mammon, the next era of money-lover to no end; stingy like shit.

You glanced over to the 'Prince', who was intriguingly hanging his knives on the Christmas tree for decorative purposes. Of course, that looked more lethal than pretty to you. Having enough of his stupid antics, you turned to Mammon; twitching, you mentally scowled, _I should've known... That good-for-nothing always counts his money whenever he's free... – Wait..._

_Click_, _click_...

_**Ding!**_

You raised your hands in triumph, smirking evilly at the immediate idea that you had.

It was Christmas. And you had these two idiots to be entertained by. What's a Christmas celebrated without romance?

Merrily, you hummed a famous Christmas carol to the tune of Mission Impossible _[you didn't know the tune of the former]_, strafing from left to right and right to left, heading to the storeroom where the 'useless ornaments' were kept. You hoisted the box out along with a stepladder, searching for the one and only mistletoe that was supposed to be your item to succession.

"Yes... _yes_... **YES**!!!" You cheered, balancing yourself on the ladder that supported you from below as you hung the mistletoe at the doorway. The only thing that existed in your brain now would be this particular equation:

_Bel_ + _Mammon_ + _Mistletoe_ + _Christmas _+ _Camera_ = **POTENTIAL BLACKMAIL MATERIAL!**

You uncoiled the nylon string, tying it to the end of Fran's 10,000 yen note before throwing it in front of him, tugging it away as Mammon reached for it. Expertly, you stopped yanking when he reached the doorway. Being the money-faced person he is, the chance of him taking note of the accursed object above him is near zero percent, let alone care about it.

As for Bel's side, you merely tugged on a spare knife of his you bought from Fran. _**[16]**_ Attracted by the shiny, clean, polished dagger, he followed it. _Curiosity killed the cat_, they say; how true it was to Bel when he saw Mammon standing below the mistletoe-dangling doorway, picking up his knife in the most intrigued manner.

Without any hesitation, Bel rushed forward; your plan was absolutely fool-proof now as you stuck your leg out, tripping the Prince and causing him to land on top of Mammon in the most awkward and disgusting position they could ever think of.

"Say _cheese_~"

_**Snap.**_

The photo immediately developed. Waving it around until the clearer picture surface, you grinned, only to be tackled down by Bel and Mammon in the most epic manner; with the three of you rolling about, trying to snatch the camera and the 'source-of-all-trouble' picture, you shrieked, yelled and shouted.

All stopped as soon as you opened your eyes and noticed the holy object you hung up; their gazes followed. Smirking, Bel was the first to respond, pushing your mouth close before capturing your lips in a simple kiss, followed by Mammon.

"_Buon Natale, mi principessa_." _**[17]**_

**Optional Crack Ending****:**

Midnight soon followed; you snuck around the fireplace which the Varia members hung their stockings so they'd receive their presents. Snickering, you inserted Bel and Mammon's blackmail picture into each of their 'socks'; you couldn't wait to see their faces _[especially the potential victims']_ when they wake up from their final day of peaceful slumber.

Even more so, you couldn't be more surprised that the whole Varia believed in Santa Claus.

_**- Owari! Merry Christmas~! -**_

--

**[1]** – It was the auto-correct function that gave me this inspiration. xD I typed "mochi" and MS Word gave me "mocha" instead... Let's just say their linguistic skills are equivalent to Tsuna's athletic skills…

**[2]** – I'd honestly down a full gallon of natto beans than these sea slugs. The last time I watched a show about other countries' food; the slugs were apparently kept in a tub, sliced alive, had their guts thrown, and was served with some yellowish sauce.

**[3]** – I sure hope this isn't going to become a food guide... but anyway, Shiokara is raw fish served with fermented fish or squid guts... And Fugu is a fish that has an organ that contains deadly toxin and can paralyze you while you're awake. Apparently over 300 people die from it each year, but Japanese still eat it either way. X.x

**[4]** – If you've seen Seki's coin pouch of doom, you'd know what I mean. I swear that thing weighs at least a kilogram.

**[5]** – I mean... wines _are _available in assorted colors...

**[6]** – You never know how well he can hide his eyes beneath that accursed fringe.

**[7]** – Spelling is correct. Think of Tsuna's speech abilities.

**[8]** – Well, you wanted to scream at Xanxus for giving _you_ the difficult task of shopping...

**[9]** – Get the anime reference?

**[10]** – This idea came from RP-ing with Seki. xD I came up with this utopia thing... Maybe I have a knack for this...

**[11]** – Credits to cbox. xDD I saw this while tagging my friend.

**[12]** – Species, anyone? It's the _Chinese Giant Salamander_.

**[13]** – Think of unagi/salmon-don. Bowl of rice plus meat/fish.

**[14]** – Cooking with alcohol to increases presentation entertainment. Think teppanyaki.

**[15] **– One of those wines that have preservation value.

**[16]** – Geddit? Where Bel stabbed Fran in the back and told him to polish his knife before returning. Anime reference; iuno about manga.

**[17]** – "_Merry Christmas, princess._" Who in the right mind would say "Happy Thanksgiving" during Christmas? O.o


End file.
